Rivers and Roads

Looking back on 2014, I see the juxtaposition of two phases of my life. The first 6 months of 2014 comprised the end of my time as a college student. The last 6 months included the start of my time as a working professional. Both phases included a lot of transition. In the first half, I did my best to spend as much time with my fellow graduating seniors as possible; I didn’t know when I would see them again. In the second half, I started a new job, got involved in youth ministry, and started traversing the great unknown of the “not having all your friends within a 1-mile radius” world, among other things. One of the biggest things I was anxious about graduation was how my friendships were going to change when we all went our separate ways. Would going our separate ways weaken my friendships? How was this going to all work out? The thoughts of my already strong friendship dynamics changing scared me because of the fear to the unknown.

A couple of months ago, I was introduced to the song “Rivers and Roads” by the Head in the Heart (and that’s why this post is titled as such). In a lot of ways, the song really gets where I’m at. A lot of my friends moved away after graduation and I have no idea when I’ll see a good number of them again. We’re all walking our separate paths now and yes, I do miss many of their faces like hell. Listening to this song helps bring this topic to mind and helps me reflect upon it.

It’s true; there are rivers and roads that separate me from a lot of my friends. But one of the biggest surprises for me is that the distance hasn’t hurt my friendships. Sure the dynamic has certainly changed, but it hasn’t made my friendships any worse. In fact, it’s like the new dynamic has breathed new life into them. Unlike college, when I was having the same type of experience as my college friends, we’re all having different experiences. But it’s in those different experiences where we bond now and there’s a certain really cool thing about that. I learn so much and am fulfilled by listening to the different experiences my friends have. When I do see them again, I’m more appreciative of any time I have to talk and re-connect. The 15-minute conversations I used to think were “short” are now some of the most fulfilling I can have with them. In addition, just because I may not talk to many of them for weeks or even months on end, when we re-connect, it feels like little time has passed. This point was especially driven down when I hung out with wonderful Bellarmine friends recently and a number of us were like, “It’s been six months? It doesn’t feel like that long.”

On the flip side of things, I’m one of those people who has a lot of friends younger than me who are still at SCU. That has definitely been a struggle at times because as much as I would want them to be able to relate to where I’m at, I’m at a different phase of life when they are. It’s been easy to think my life’s not as interesting as theirs (and self-admitting: I’ve been very prone to that the last few months). My pace of life has slowed down, contrasting the “go go go” lifestyle of college they still are a part of. But at the same time, having the different dynamic has helped some of those friendships and helped spark new friendships as well. Outside of my work schedule and my 2-3 regular commitments per week, my schedule is no longer as full. This has given me the opening to cultivate new friendships with those people I wanted to but couldn’t with my previous commitments and also to deepen already-existing ones. Having the extra added energy to pursue those friendships has been a really cool surprise of post-graduation life and is one I hope to continue to take advantage of in the coming year.

As 2014 draws to a close, I feel more settled in with where I’m at with my friendship dynamics changing and transitioning away from being a college student. Here’s to 2015: to visiting out-of-town friends, getting more involved in youth ministry, new retreat experiences, T-Swift concert, and so much more which is currently unknown =)