Life in Color, Part 2

Pulling "Skype" Misdirection on a good friend and surprising her is life in color.

Random trips to the mall is life in color.

Pazookie night is life in color.

Country music immersion is life in color

Bringing the CLC cake tradition to the workplace is life in color.

Planning 3 weeks in advance to hang out with JC is life in color.

Watching the A's beat the Angels, especially sitting next to an Angels fan, is life in color.

Reviving memories of watching Veggie Tales is life in color.

Experiencing Taize in Burlingame is life in color.

Bringing the self-proclaimed ruler of Kelseyville to her namesake town is life in color.

Running into your crazy CLC musician friend, with a haircut no less, is life in color.

Surprise birthday brunch is life in color.

Making Isaac Raven laugh is life in color.

Hanging out with SoCal friends over summer is life in color.

Pulling a "not a surprise" surprise birthday dinner for a close friend (who dislikes surprises) is life in color.

Making summer school care packages is life in color

Experiencing 10 PM Mass in Berkeley is life in color (and I thought 9 PM was late).

Being unknowingly volunteered to pass handouts by Fr. McCarthy after 10 AM mass is life in color.

Thinking of a new idea with Starbucks cups is life in color.

Playoff baseball is life in color.

Experiencing an absolutely beautiful last Welcome Weekend mass (as a student) is life in color.

Coordinating Search, and especially Middle Crew, is life in color.

#LifeInColorSearch

Making a HUB video is life in color.

Leading the CLC retreat and becoming vulnerable is life in color.

Leading the MoJoe is life in color.

Introducing my new co-leader to my CLC group is life in color.

Having the honor of processing the School of Engineering into the Mass of the Holy Spirit is life in color.

Having thought bubbles for JC's CLC group is life in color.

Singing T-Swift in a penguin costume is life in color.

Bringing the awkward turtle on Halloween is life in color.

A Cheska surprise is life in color.

Flashing back to my first Search retreat is life in color.

Discovering a really good friend's fondness for In n Out, via Facebook no less, is life in color.

Watching Search come alive is life in color.

Opening myself up to performing at Love Jones is life in color.

Finally watching Mean Girls is life in color.

Uncovering hidden gems is life in color.

Taking a chance and starting a blog, inspired by the Blogmother, is life in color.

Reading a flattering blog post about yourself is life in color.

Experiencing the Seattle U student liturgy (with a priest who's an actor) is life in color.

A spontaneous meet-up at Sea-Tac airport is life in color.

Being silent and "being" is life in color.

Gaining a new-found resolve is life in color.

Reviving the Crew Collage tradition is life in color.

Spontaneous calls to meet up and talk is life in color.

This is life in color. And it is amazing.

(P.S. This photo collage is far from finished.)

Life in Color, Part 1

Coming back the first day of Winter Quarter and going all-out on the hugs for friends coming from abroad is life in color.

Making a new friend over her cooking you dinner is life in color.

Getting drenched in holy water by Fr. Mick McCarthy is life in color.

Taking a chance and joining the 9 PM Mass choir is life in color.

Hiking and picnicking at the Rose Garden with two of your best friends is life in color.

Jumping “sky high” is life in color.

Using an unwitting human shield is life in color.

Seeing the light and watching Tangled is life in color.

Balloon giraffes are life in color.

Palentine’s Day is life in color.

Cake on your birthday in CLC is life in color.

Learning that scaring people from behind is a bad idea is life in color.

Embarking on a new journey with a new CLC group is life in color.

Conquering Mission Peak is life in color

Singing around a bonfire at the beach is life in color

Finding out the identity of the new Pope and his Jesuit background in Campus Ministry is life in color.

Celebrating birthdays, both real and fake, in CLC is life in color.

Those Saturday morning farmer market runs are life in color.

Signing contracts, whether it be bets, seating arrangements, or what have you, is life in color.

Witnessing someone doing a backflip during your Final Exam is life in color.

Witnessing the power of a community, no matter how gritty the reality seems, is life in color.

Lying on the cold, hard ground, whether it be the T-Swift verison, Goat version, paper towel version, or whatever is life in color.

Making mixtapes for immersion and your friends is life in color.

Learning about the wonder of spooning is life in color.

Random Search crew reunions are life in color.

20-minute car rides from the Mission to Sobrato, caused by Sunday night Earthquakes Games, is life in color.

Jesuit card dealers and drink servers at Casino Night is life in color.

“The Challenge” and learning from people's stories is life in color.

Opening up and sharing at Stations of the Cross is life in color.

Immersion reunion BBQs is life in color.

Staying up until 1:30 AM to watch the conclusion of a 19-inning game is life in color.

Spontaneously using Yelp to find a go-to Gelato spot is life in color.

Taking a friend to his first baseball game is life in color.

Playoff hockey is life in color.

Hearing talks about people discovering oneself is life in color.

Using a friend’s back as your notebook surface during Geotech class is life in color.

Celebrating a year of CLC Leadership (and facilitating a cake surprise) is life in color.

Participating in a Kelstival is life in color.

“A blast from the past” birthday surprise for a good friend is life in color.

Pulling late nights and conducting Search Crew interviews with 2 men and a tsarina is life in color.

Playing the “Not Study Game” is life in color.

Post-mass chocolate fondue is life in color.

Obsession about me (not in a creepy way) is life in color.

Laughing hysterically at butchering of Biblical stories during the homily is life in color.

A spontaneous Bay Area roundabout drive is life in color.

This is life in color. And there is more to come!

Memories That Come Full Circle

You probably look at highway signs and don’t even think to take a second peek. Highway 85 North to Mountain View? Seen it a ton of times. Highway 17 to Santa Cruz? Everyone knows that. For whatever reason, venturing through the mysterious realm that is the Pacific Northwest, a particular highway sign caught my attention. On the familiar green background you see with highway signs, I read “Interstate 405 North, Everett”.

If you’ve never been to either Seattle or Bellevue, 405 runs north-south through what’s known as Eastside, the area east of Seattle which is home to Bellevue (Microsoft Land), Redmond (Michael Davisson Land), and a host of other cities and towns that are part of the Seattle area (but not really if you ask Seattle natives). Seeing that sign brought back some memories; memories which reflect a lot more about the people they involve compared to what I originally thought at the time.

The summer after freshman year was the first time I visited Seattle after I had learned about the Washington presence at Santa Clara. One of my brothers works at Amazon, so every time I go to Seattle, I visit him. This time, I tried to incorporate visiting some of my Washington friends and memories from two of these hangouts came back to me seeing the Interstate 405 sign.

I flew into Sea-Tac Airport on Tuesday morning, early enough where I had to get up at 5 AM to make my flight in the first place. That same day, I was immediately going to spend time with one of my Washington friends. You see, I met this guy on the Search retreat 3 years ago, Robbie Waddell, and he offered to hang out with me the same day I flew in. Driving all the way from Bellevue (or Yarrow Point if I want to be super specific) to pick me up, Robbie gave me a basic lowdown of Eastside.  He took me to one of the local burger places, Burgermaster, and proceeded to drive me to one of his favorite places, Kirkland, eating lunch by the water and sharing conversation. Later he welcomed me into his home and we got to share even more conversation. I also learned that day about the aesthetic appeal of a tree which partially blocks the view of the lake. Robbie’s welcoming me with open arms speaks to his character. I was so happy inside about this friend who brought me in and showed me the joy of his world. 3 years later, this quality of Robbie hasn’t changed at all. He’s still the type of guy who you could randomly go up to and have meaningful conversation with on the first hangout. Seeing that sign rekindled that memory in my head, and I feel all the better for revisiting it.

Five days later on Sunday, I had plans to hang out with Marie Adams, who was the first friend I made at Santa Clara. This is where the “Everett” part of the sign comes in. Marie hails from Everett, which is approximately an hour north of Seattle. Upon seeing the sign and letting it marinate in my head, I started remembering the circumstances of how this hangout time came together. First of all, Marie was working at a CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) camp that summer, which in short meant she only had 1 free day per week. Second, she had to drive down an hour to meet with me. Third, this involved driving through downtown Seattle (let’s just say it’s something most people wouldn’t want to do). And the fourth thing, I really wanted to visit Gameworks, a big arcade, but I didn’t want to go alone.

Marie’s loyalty is one of her best traits; if you trust her with something, she will not let you down. She chose to spend her day with me. She put aside time to drive an hour just to meet with me. She dealt with the difficulty of driving me through downtown Seattle and much to my surprise, she was quite more than willing to accompany me to Gameworks. While my only specific memory of Gameworks was getting my butt kicked at air hockey; the fact that she was so receptive to accompanying me spoke volumes. The effort she put into spending time with me made me feel important and speaks to the person she is: someone who gives a lot of time, love, and care into the people she cares about. It did take 2 ½ years to reawaken this memory but next time I want to illustrate Marie’s loyalty, I really want to come back to this example because I can’t think of many better personal stories that make her loyalty come to life.

I grant that’s a ton of story but I’ll leave with this. It’s funny how a simple highway sign triggered hidden memories within me; memories that have come full-circle. Robbie is still the welcoming character that I came to know and love. Marie is still the unfailingly loyal friend for me. I’ve had those memories within me and it took a random highway sign to revisit them. Now, it’s time for me to let those memories come alive and to share them with other people.

Being Direct with Love

“Wow. I don’t know what to say.” – One of the freshmen I know. This was on the first day I met her after telling her I noticed how energetic and full of life she was.

“Go share what you’ve got with who you’re with. Love isn’t love until you give it away” – Julia Claire Landry

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A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful opportunity on retreat to spend time in reflection. During a discussion on our personal leadership, I realized something. If I’m ever talking with another person about one of my friends, I’m prone to perking up and immediately saying something along the lines of, “Oh he/she’s awesome! (Insert major quality specific to that person)”. I love letting people to know about the positives of people I know. I want them to know how much that person means to me and what makes that person so great.

Though within this, I realized when I talk about someone and their major qualities, 90% of the time, I have this conversation with other people. Barely do I ever have that discussion with that “someone” directly. It took another few conversations on retreat to realize this. At lunch, I talked with someone who lives in the same building as someone I admire and hold a lot of respect for. Referring to her, this person said, “She’s a sweetheart”. Later that retreat, I talked to someone else who works with her and he said, “She’s great!” When people refer to you as a “sweetheart” or “great”, that speaks a lot to the quality of your character. I started to think: I hope she knows and realizes how much other people respect her. 

These conversations reinforced this thought within me: I don’t know why, but I’ve been very indirect about affirming people. For the longest time, I haven’t been inclined to affirm people in regular conversation. I guess it doesn’t come naturally to say “I really love your (insert positive quality)” in the middle of lunch or friend time. I’ve had a few people tell me before during lunch/friend time how they appreciate my friendship or something similar, which I always am touched to hear. Though for whatever reason, it doesn’t feel like human nature at all to tell someone up front (in a “normal school setting”) their positive qualities.

I believe my challenge lies in this: being able to directly affirm people in “normal” settings, like during those coffee dates or just sitting on the couches in Campus Ministry. I want to challenge myself to shine a light on the positives in each person directly, letting them know that they possess this trait and that I acknowledge it. I’ve spent a lot of time letting others know the amazingness that lies in people I know and love. It’s time to begin letting those people know face-to-face that I recognize their amazingness.

Fighting the FOMO That Lies Within

Before I even start, if you asked me a year or two ago, writing a blog would probably be one of the last things that came to mind. I wouldn't ever consider myself capable of writing a half-decent blog. Well I could tell myself that but you know what they say, you won't know until you try. I have no idea if this'll last or this will be the only post, but it's worth a shot. Some inspirations and acknowledgments for why I decided to start a blog.

• Bryan Bayham, my CLC (Christian Life Community, for those who don't know what it stands for) co-leader and one of my mentors. He first brought it up, saying that I have a load of insights that someone could stumble upon and learn a lot from me. Didn't think about it too much at the moment but I started figuring it's worth the effort.
• Marie Adams, one of my best friends. She's the one who invited me to journal in the first place. I've decided to try it out in blog format. Probably wouldn't have happened until she invited me to journal and put my thoughts down.
• Maira Gutierrez, a really good friend of mine. Her insights in blog-form inspired me to try it for myself. I'd be remiss if I didn't link to her blog because there's some really good stuff there. http://mtgutierrezblog.blogspot.com/ Take a peek before you come back here. You won't regret it.

Anyways on to the actual blog post.

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A little bit of background about me (and the backdrop of this post), I have a huge "fear of missing out" (FOMO) and have had it pretty much all my life. I hate hearing about certain things I missed out on for something else. I start having the "you guys had so much fun without me." thoughts. And hearing about fun things I missed (that I would've wanted to do) only makes matters worse in my head. So much to the point where I need to step out of the conversation, but not before talking obnoxiously loud to block out the conversation at hand as I'm stepping out.

Last Friday, I had a really insightful conversation with someone who's really important to me. I was feeling crappy over something related to FOMO and needed to let out my struggles to this person. What she told me has stuck with me for the past week. She pointed out to me that while I may be "missing out" on things, in reality I'm doing something else that's probably really productive and something to be grateful for. For example, take Pride and Prejudice, the recent school play. The dates worked out really poorly for me and I had to miss it. "Oh my God, it was so good!!" "You need to see it!" were snippets of what I heard from people, only further reinforcing the thought that I was missing out on something really amazing. I don't doubt it was awesome, I mean one of my friends was the stage manager and I knew a few people who were acting. But still, all my emotions wanted to tell people was, "Way to rub it in everyone...thanks for making me feel crappy."

Though within all that negativity, I was overlooking all the life-giving things I had done on most of the nights I could've watched the play. That first weekend, I got to treat my mom to dinner for the first time and have a very enlightening my conversation. I learned some things about my cousins I never knew before and it was quite productive. Wednesday night, I had gone to Hospitality hours with Frances and Chris (Resident Ministers in Sobrato Hall at SCU) and enjoyed yummy desserts and wonderful conversation. Thursday night, I stayed in Campus Ministry until about 11:30 at night prepping for the Search retreat. And of course the closing weekend was Search weekend, the weekend I was pouring out my heart and soul for 8 weeks. The one thing I was so passionate about and couldn't stop talking about. There was so much amazingness that I was a part of and was making me happy; how could I have failed to recognize that amazingness and completely dwell over missing P&P?

It's funny to think about, I bet there are a lot of moments where I let my FOMO get the best of me and I lose sight of all the good that I'm involved in. This person's wise words pose a challenge: looking past the FOMO and being grateful for the things I am a part of. The hidden gems which honestly, shouldn't be hidden at all; they just might not be in plain sight. Being able to take a step back and realizing all the good that I have in my life is one of the first steps I can take for overcoming FOMO. The cool thing is, no matter how easy it is for me to feel like I'm missing out, I have people and things which make me feel included and which I'm a huge part of it. There's recognizing it and then being grateful for it. Hopefully the conversation I had last Friday is step one to overcoming my long-standing FOMO.