Learning to Fall

A few weeks ago, I started listening to the band Love and Theft a little more, checking out their music since I already liked a couple of their songs. I stumbled upon their song “Learning to Fall” and really liked it.  Of course as it happens with many songs I listened to, I stopped listening to it for a while. But when reflecting upon some things, the overall theme of the words “learning to fall” kept coming back to me. And honestly, I think I found some insight there.

If there’s something I’m learning about myself, it’s that there are areas of my life where I’m a total perfectionist. There are some areas where I know I’m weaker at (drawing and athleticism to name two). I know those types of things aren’t my strongest traits, so falling short in those areas isn’t too much of a big deal to me. But when I fail at areas that I feel I am stronger at, I take it hard. In my head, I think I need to be perfect. “I know better, but how could I mess up?”

When I fall short in my strong areas, my first instinct is to feel regret over where I messed up and then see how I can improve. I think inherently, acknowledging where I went wrong is a good thing. Same goes for the intention to improve on myself. Lately, I’m finding myself becoming unbalanced on the former. I regret where I went wrong, but then I take it to a point to beat myself up. In that case, the worst of my perfectionism comes to light: it no longer becomes a mechanism to better myself; it just makes me unnecessarily feel worse. And I let it sit with me for a good amount of time. There becomes a point where that regret turns into shame, which isn’t good. While failure can help me see areas where I could improve, dwelling on it too much isn’t a good thing.

This is where I believe learning to fall is a good challenge. For example, I value relationships with other people and the joy and love I draw from them. I like to think that loving people and making them feel cared for is a strong trait of mine. When I fall short in my relationships, it hits me hard and it takes me a little more time to be able to accept that I fell short. I tell myself: “I have to be perfect with other people. I don’t want to hurt the people I care about.” But when I think that, I forget one fundamental truth: I’m human. I’m not perfect nor am I capable of being perfect. Learning to accept my humanity and imperfection is part of the process. I’m going to fail from time to time, even in the areas of my life where I feel I’m stronger.

For me, it’s a hard lesson to learn. Using my relationships example, my failings mean letting people down sometimes. But that possibility of failure exists because of my fundamental humanity. I have to learn to accept that possibility of failure because I’m inherently capable of it. Turning a failure into a net positive means things will be better in the long run. I struggle with accepting my own failures in certain areas of my life. In relationships specifically, I worry about failing and letting others down. But ultimately, regardless of what it is, letting go of that fear of failure is all part of learning to fall.

“And I don't worry at all
I'm still learning to fall”

-“Learning to Fall”, Love and Theft