Being Direct with Love

“Wow. I don’t know what to say.” – One of the freshmen I know. This was on the first day I met her after telling her I noticed how energetic and full of life she was.

“Go share what you’ve got with who you’re with. Love isn’t love until you give it away” – Julia Claire Landry

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A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful opportunity on retreat to spend time in reflection. During a discussion on our personal leadership, I realized something. If I’m ever talking with another person about one of my friends, I’m prone to perking up and immediately saying something along the lines of, “Oh he/she’s awesome! (Insert major quality specific to that person)”. I love letting people to know about the positives of people I know. I want them to know how much that person means to me and what makes that person so great.

Though within this, I realized when I talk about someone and their major qualities, 90% of the time, I have this conversation with other people. Barely do I ever have that discussion with that “someone” directly. It took another few conversations on retreat to realize this. At lunch, I talked with someone who lives in the same building as someone I admire and hold a lot of respect for. Referring to her, this person said, “She’s a sweetheart”. Later that retreat, I talked to someone else who works with her and he said, “She’s great!” When people refer to you as a “sweetheart” or “great”, that speaks a lot to the quality of your character. I started to think: I hope she knows and realizes how much other people respect her. 

These conversations reinforced this thought within me: I don’t know why, but I’ve been very indirect about affirming people. For the longest time, I haven’t been inclined to affirm people in regular conversation. I guess it doesn’t come naturally to say “I really love your (insert positive quality)” in the middle of lunch or friend time. I’ve had a few people tell me before during lunch/friend time how they appreciate my friendship or something similar, which I always am touched to hear. Though for whatever reason, it doesn’t feel like human nature at all to tell someone up front (in a “normal school setting”) their positive qualities.

I believe my challenge lies in this: being able to directly affirm people in “normal” settings, like during those coffee dates or just sitting on the couches in Campus Ministry. I want to challenge myself to shine a light on the positives in each person directly, letting them know that they possess this trait and that I acknowledge it. I’ve spent a lot of time letting others know the amazingness that lies in people I know and love. It’s time to begin letting those people know face-to-face that I recognize their amazingness.